the making of GundamWing The Movie
by StarLite Wind
Summary: The making of the Gundam Wing Movie(soon to be out one of these days) from "Me" the twisted directer. It has a lot of cursing and sexual referrences. You've been warned.


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Alright people this is one of my other fics from my demented mind so bear with me here and try to ignore the typos. I do not own these particular Gundam Characters, or do I? I have to check. So grab some popcorn, a drink and read on and enjoy, or at least try to enjoy, the making of this so-called movie.

The Making of.......

Gundam Wing: The Movie!

The fics down there people!

Anime Presents........

In Asscocition with Wind Enterprises......

A Wind Star Production........

In a Galaxy very close to you........

Gundam Wing part 1 

The Making Of The Movie 

In the begining there were five Gundam Pilots and when a 

casting call for a movie that had their old chacters in it, the young

pilots set out to meet their destiny. The casting call was made out 

by an evil director named "Me" who had stolen the idea from 

another poor director and when Me found out that the orginal 

chacaters of Gundam were coming back to reclaim their titles she 

set up a plan to make the Pilots hers. And so Heero, the sucidal leader 

of the group, set out for Hollywood to find his gun, as Duo, the funny

and easy going one, went to Hollywood to make his dream of 

becoming an actor come true, while Trowa, the gentle smart

and quiet cute man, got lost and forgot why he came to Hollywood 

in the first place until he met up with Quatre, the most sincere

and perhaps weakest and WAY too soft guy, who said he had 

been dared by his two friends, Bobbie and Timmy, to go to the 

casting call, and Wufei, the most honorable and occasionally 

naive person, went to Hollywood after an anonymous prank 

call lead him to a studio. And so we join our heros 

inside a secluded studio area where a bunch of crazy, 

pointless nonsense, is about to happen....

(A/N: I hope I don't get sued for that. Sorry George!)

Me: Alright people, everyone on the set right now! Come on, move it! Where are my actors?!

The five gundam pilots enter on the set.

Me: Ah, there you are! Alright let me check the list. Are Duo and Quatre here?

Duo & Quatre: Here! 

Me: Good. Now how about Heero and Wufei?

Heero: Where's my money?....... And my gun?

Wufei: I thought I told you that I didn't want to be in this movie if a woman was going to be director!

Me: Tough shit. And last but not least, Trowa?

Trowa: My name isn't Trowa. It's Peter McArthur Pearson.

Me: (blink)......Huh..ok, well for today and the rest of the filming, you'll be known as Trowa.

Trowa: I understand

Duo: At least one of us does.

Me: Ok, you guys, let me bring you up to speed. Today we're going to start filmin' this movie called Gundam Wing The Movie-

Duo: Well, duh!

Me: -anyways we start shooting today.

Heero: Shooting? Damn! I lost my gun!

Wufei: No, you baka! She means filming. And what do you mean today? I haven't even seen the script you stupid onna!

Me: How cute, a Chinese man who likes to insult in Japanesse. And if you'll just let me finish, I'll tell you why we start today! 

Wufei: Shrew!

Me: Now where was I? Oh yeah, as you know there are other directors out there, so from my resources, I heard that another director came up with this idea and is planning to premiere it in about four weeks which gives us time to film a movie and show it to the world before that director has a chance to.

Quatre: Isn't that considered stealing?

Me: Not really, since WE'LL be putting the movie out first, so when that director puts hers out, it'll look like she stole the idea from us. Get it?

Heero: Ingenious. It's evil and manipulative. I like her already.

Wufei: What a bunch of shit.

Me: Yeah well, you guys get paid for it.

Heero: Even better. We get paid for someone else's idea.

Trowa: So what do we do?

Me: Uh, just stand here and we'll film ya.

Duo: All of us?

Me: Um no. Right now just have Quatre, Heero and um, Wufei. Trowa and Duo enter later.

Duo and Trowa go off the set

Me: Ok this will be scene uh, 13, where um........Quatre dies.

Quatre: WHAT? I DIE?!

Me: (shrugs) Yeah sure. Why not?

Quatre: Why me?

Me: Well since you're the most hated of the Gundam Wing pilots, I just figured you'd be the first to die.

Quatre: But that's not fair!

Me: Who cares? I got a film to make so just lie there and die. Action!

Heero and Wufei stand there looking around

Me: Well what are you waiting for?! Act!!

Quatre falls

Quatre: Ow.....I've been shot.....cough.

Heero:...Well........Dang.That sucks.

Wufei: Huh, are you going to be ok?

Quatre: I'm dying!!

Wufei: Want a last request? I'm not busy at the moment. Oh wait. I am.

Quatre: Doing what?!

Wufei: Huh.......Standing here. It takes a lot of energy out of me.

Quatre: What? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!

Wufei: Well everyone has to hear something stupid in their life before they die.

Quatre: I'm in so much pain. Ow. That hurt really, really bad.

Heero: I would put you out of your misery but I still can't find my gun.

Wufei: Do you see a light? Or a tunnel?

Heero: This is stupid. I don't want to do this anymore!

Me: Oh come on! It's great! Keep improvising! Just think, what would you do in this situation?

Heero: You mean besides sing and dance?

Me: Yes.

Heero: Ok....(Heero starts to pound on the floor with his fist) Damn you! Why did it have to be him??! Why not me?! Quatre! QUATRE!! Why did you have to die?!

Wufei: He's still alive you moron!

Heero: (Stops acting) Oh, uh, damn. I mean.....good?.

Wufei: (mumbling) Show off.

Quatre: You've got to stop, um...... the bad guys from taking over the, um Earth and some of the Colonies

Wufei: Ok . Whatever you say Quatre.

Quatre dies. 

Heero acts again.

Wufei: I guess we should go to space then in our MS's, right Heero?

Heero:......Huh? Oh yeah sure. Whatever, um are you sure he's dead?

Wufei kicks Quatre.

Wufei: Oh yeah. He's dead.

Heero: Great.... ok let's go.

Wufei: Alright... I guess.........

Awkard silence

Me: CUT! Great! You guys are naturals! That was excellent, but there is only one problem,.

Wufei: What's that?

Me: What's an MS?

Heero: You're kidding, right?

Wufei: Stupid woman.

Quatre: Wait. Do you even watch Gundam Wing?

Me: Of course I do!

Quatre: Then what is it about?

Me: Um, it's about a gundam.......and it's er, wings.......yeah that's it.

Quatre: What a dork!

Me: Ok, who is the director?!

Wufei: You.

Me: That's right and who are you suppose to listen to?

Heero: Huh, you?

Me: That's absolutely correct. Which means?

Duo: I have no idea. Trowa? Want to help me out here.

Me: It simply means that YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ME! I'LL DO MY JOB AND YOU'LL DO YOURS WHICH IS SHUTTING UP AND LISTENING TO ME!

Quatre: No we don'!

Me: Yes you do!

Quatre: No we don't!

Me: Yes you do!

Quatre: No we don't!

Me: YES YOU DO!!

Quatre: Mean Ol' Bitch.

Me: That's it! 

Me pulls out a gun and shoots Quatre. Quatre falls crying.

Heero: Hey! There's my gun!

Quatre: I-I-I can't believe you shot me!

Duo: Neither can I. I always thought Heero would be the one to do it.

Heero: I would've but SHE stole my gun!!

Me: I didn't steal it. You left it at my house last night.

Heero: I did?

Duo: WHAT?! YOU SPENT THE NIGHT AT HER HOUSE?!

Trowa: So what'd you guys do, huh?

Heero: (blushing) I DID NOTHING!

Me:That's for sure.

Heero: SHUT UP! YOU KNOW WE DIDN'T DO-WELL, WE DIDN'T DO WHAT THEY'RE THINKING!!

Me: Which is?

Heero: You know damn well what they're thinking!

Duo: (whispering to Trowa) Now we know how he got this part in the movie.

Heero: That's it! Where's my agent?!

Duo: Who? Sylvia? Last I heard, she was going into Trieze's trailer.

Wufei: I thought he was with Lady Une.

Duo: He is.

Wufei: So what are you saying?

Duo: Sylvia and Trieze ain't the only ones in that trailer.

Wufei: EW! THAT'S DISGUSTING!

Trowa: And dishonorable, don't forget that.

Quatre: Well, actually it's pretty fun.

Everyone looks at Quatre shocked and wide eyed.

Trowa: You've been in a, uh.... well you've been in a.....help me out guys, this is embarrassing.

Wufei: Really? I was thinking more of pathetic, sick and just plain wrong.

Heero: Quatre have you been in threesome?

Trowa shivers

Trowa: Gross!

Quatre: (smiling) Yep. It's lots of fun!

Duo: (whispering to Wufei) I bet it was with one girl and two guys.

Wufei: I was thinking they were all guys.

Trowa covers his ears

Trowa: Stop it guys! That's worse than sick!

Duo: Yeah. It's disturbing.

Quatre: You mean to tell me that none of you've been on play date?

Everyone stares blanky at Quatre.

Duo: What?

Quatre: Yeah, that's what you mean isn't it? A threesome who play. You know like checkers, tag, whose the richer kid and so on. My threesome playdate consisted of me and my two friends Bobbie and Timmy.

Everyone falls

Wufei: I knew it was all guys.

Quatre: Well, isn't that what Trieze, Lady Une and Sylvia are doing?

Duo: (getting up) Yeah Quatre. They're, um, "playing".

Trowa: (mumbling) More like foul play.

Wufei: Hey, where's the crazy shrew?

Heero: I don't know. She was here a minute ago.

Trowa: She was smart and left before the talk got nasty.

Me: Actually, I went to get Sally so we could do the next scene.

Wufei & Duo: Sally?

Wufei looks at Duo mean

Wufei: What do you mean Sally?!

Duo: Come on man. We all know she's hot.

Wufei: Why I outta- Wait! I thought you liked Hilde!

Duo: Do I have to repeat myself? Like I said earlier, Sylvia and Trieze ain't the only ones in that trailer!

Wufei falls 

Trowa: Ok. I DID NOT have to hear that.

Duo: Well you did.

Me: SHUT UP AND LISTEN! THE NEXT SCENE IS FOR WUFEI, DUO AND SALLY! 

Duo: I don't like where this is going.

Me: (smiling evily) Oh yeah, you guessed it. Scene, um 20. Duo and Wufei fighting for Sally's love.

Wufei: Perfect. All I need is my Gundam and-

Me: Ooooh yeah, about that. Sorry I forgot to mention this at the beginning.

Wufei: What?

Me: Well since we start so early and since you guys basically destroyed your Gundams at the end of Endless Waltz, well, we couldn't rebuild them in time for the movie.

All the G-Pilots fall and scream

G-Pilots: WHAT?!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Stop your bitching! Look, I know it's a big inconvience and all but this shouldn't be the end of making this movie.

Duo: Who's the other director that you stole the idea from?

Me: Why?

Duo: So I could go be part of HER movie and not yours! This is the cheapest thing I have ever done besides the appearance at that Anime convention!

Me: Afraid you can't do that Duo.

Duo: And why not?!

Me: Well, because she's already almost done with the film and she already has actors playing yourselves. That and you already signed a contract which made you become my property.

All G-pilots: WHAT?!!!!

Me: That's right, you no longer belong to SunRise. You now legally belong to me and only me! Mwahahahahahahhahahahahahhhaahahah *cough* *Cough* Hahahhahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahahaahhahahahahh- eh. It's not that funny. Well, actually, it is!

Heero: I don't remember signing any papers that said that!

Me: Oh, you know that's right. But last night-

Heero: NOTHING HAPPENED!

Me: Are you sure of that Heero?

Heero: Crap.

Duo: But what about the rest of us? We didn't go to your house and do God knows what!

Heero: For crying out loud! We just had tea and talked! That's it! End of story!

Me: That doesn't mean I never went to yours.

Everyone falls.

Me: GET UP YOU LAZIES! WE GOT A FILM TO MAKE! WUFEI! DUO! START FIGHTING FOR SALLY!

Quatre: My life is over!

Me: Oh shut up! You're suppose to be dead!

Quatre: Still?

Me: Ok, action. We'll cue Sally!

Quatre: Well don't answer! I don't care!

Wufei: Why are you trying to get with my woman?

Duo: Your woman?! I never saw you two together!

Wufei: That's because we keep it secret. We both LOVE each other!

Sally walks in

Sally: Hi Wufei. Hi Duo. What are you guys doing?

Wufei: Sally, tell this moron that we LOVE each other!

Sally: Huh?

Duo: Wufei said that you two were going out. Is that true?!

Wufei: Of course it is you stupid ape!

Sally: Actually, this is the first I heard of this. You love me Wufei? 

Duo: But not as much as me!

Wufei: In your dreams you braided clown!

Duo: Be quiet, Pang Pong!

Wufei: It's Wufei to you, you clumsy over actor!

Duo: You undersize Chinese man!

Wufei: Idiot who can't spell!

Duo: You dodo head!

Wufei: Wannabe Gundam pilot who sucks in a Gundam and cries like a whinning baby whom can't take a hint!

Duo: Takes one to know one!

Wufei: That's it!

Wufei jumps on Duo and they begin to duke it out. Sally sighs.

Sally: HEY YOU TWO KIDS! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICE, I'M WAY OLDER THAN YOU TWO! I WOULDN'T DATE A CHLD! AND FOR THE RECORD, I ACTUALLY REALLY LOVE AND SLEEP WITH TRIEZE! AND ALSO, THAT'S ONLY SYLVIA, LADY UNE AND DOROTHY WHO ARE IN THAT TRAILER! IT ISN'T TRIEZE BECAUSE HE WAS IN MINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sally storms off. Duo and Wufei stop fighting and get up.

Wufei: Sorry about that Duo.

Duo: Yeah me too Wufei.

Wufei: Hold on a sec. (calling after Sally) HEY! YOU KNOW WHAT SALLY PO?! I NEVER REALLY LIKED YOU! I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD SO YOU WOULDN'T REALIZE JUST HOW AWFUL YOU REALLY ARE!

Duo: (calling after too) YEAH AND YOU SMELL TOO!

Sally: (calling back) YOU TWO ARE JACKASSESS! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!

Wufei: TEASE!

Duo: WHORE!

Wufei looks at Duo

Wufei: Man, we got to kill Trieze.

Duo: I know but after that, it's every man for himself.

Wufei: Deal.

Me: CUT! (clapping) Alright! That was great! Where you'd guys learn to act like that?

Wufei: Acting?

Duo: You were taping that?

Me: You mean you two weren't acting?

Duo: That can't be in the movie!

Me: Oh no! Of course not! I was just playing around. You guys go take a break.

Everyone leaves

Me: (to camera guy) Save that footage and don't lose it.

C.G.: You got it chief.

~~~~~A COUPLE HOURS & A LOT OF BEER LATER.......~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wufei, Heero, Duo and Trowa are standing by a camera talking

Trowa: Do you really think she's serious about us belonging to her now?

Duo: I don't know Peter. She might be and she might not be. I'm not gonna say a word 'cause I think anything will set her off. I'm afraid of what she might do.

Heero: To tell you the truth, I think only a couple of us will survive the filming.

Wufei: No kidding?

Trowa: Yeah and- Huh? Quatre?

Quatre stumbled toward the other G-pilots

Quatre: Hey,hey, hey! Hi you guys! Wow! You guys are beautiful, just beautiful! Especiss- especpesci- even you Trowa!

They all raised a brow

Heero: Are you drunk Quatre?

Quatre: Who m-m-m-m-m-m--me? Nahhhhhhhh-ahhhhhhh. I'm not dr-dr-drunk *hic* I can't drink. I'm Muslim. remember? PRAISE ALLAH! hahahahahhahaahhahhah! Allah a bar-ba.

Heero: Quatre, You're only Muslim in the show.

Trowa: In real life your Mormon.

Duo: Yeah the Moron religion.

Trowa: Excuse me?

Duo: You know, Moron religion. You take out the "M" and it spells Moron.

Trowa: My sister is Mormon.

Duo: Oh she is? Well I, um, well- hey Quatre, how are you?

Quatre: Horny. Really, really horny. Where's a slut when you need one?

Duo: Last I checked, Sally was with Trieze.

Wufei: Funny.

Trowa: Oh shit! The directors coming!

Duo: What do we do?! She's going to be pissed!

Wufei: Where are we going to put Quatre?!

Heero: I got an idea. (Heero hits Quatre on the back of his neck. Quatre falls)

Wufei: Great. Now we got a drunken unconscious Quatre. 

Duo: Smooth move.

Heero: Help me put him on that box.

Duo: What for?

Heero: Just do it!!

The G- guys put Quatre on the box. Heero puts a blanket over Quatre.

Heero: Now sit on him.

Duo: What?

Heero: Do you want to get in trouble?!

Wufei: No.

Heero: THEN SIT ON HIM!!

Duo: Alright geez! No need to blow a vein.

The guys all sit on Quatre except for Trowa who stands behind the "box"

Me: Hey guys. What's up?

Duo: (mumbling) Not Quatre.

Me: Huh?

Wufei: Nothing chief.

Me: Ok. So where is Quatre?

Duo: (looking away) We're sitting on him.

Me:What?

Duo: Beats me. He might be right under your nose.

Me: Where is he?

Heero: I have no idea.

Wufei: In his trailer?

Duo: Last I saw he was going into-

Me: Shut up Duo! I don't want to know that he was in Sally's or Hilde's or even Trowa's Trailer!!

Trowa looks up disgusted

Duo: Hey, you asked and I answered!

Wufei: Now I remember! He said since he's dead in most of the scenes that he's only going to come when you really need him. Right guys?

Heero: Oh uh, yeah. He did say that.

Me: Ok whatever. Let's start working. Uh, let's move this box over there so as to get it out of the way 

Wufei: Oh alright. Heero, can you help me?

Heero: (nervous) Huh, sure Wufei. Let me just stand up and-

Duo: LOOK! A DANCING MONKEY!

Me looks away. Heero and Wufei quickly throw Quatre in the box. Me looks back.

Duo: Damn. Must have been a guy in a monkey suit.

Me: Right. Anyways, let's get started..........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A half-hour later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duo: Well that was fun!

Wufei: I admit, that was pretty cool.

Heero: I liked the part where I got to kick ass!

Me: Great! Now we can get started on the other scenes.

Duo: (Worried) Um, where is that box?

Me: What box?

Duo: You know, the one we were on earlier.

Me: Oh that box! Yeah, you guys put it in a trash area, so a bunch of guys came and took it so they can make a board scene out of it.

All the G-pilots: WHAT?!!!!

Me: Yeah they just took it. Why?

Duo: Crap!

Wufei: What do we do?!

Me: What's wrong?

Duo: Quatre was in that box!

Me: What?

Wufei: He was in that box!

Me: I thought you said that you didn't even know where he was?

Duo: We didn't want you to get mad, so we lied! I'm sorry! 

Heero: Me too, but what are we going to do?

Trowa: I have a parrot who sings and dances to the music of show tunes even though I have no idea what that show is and he likes the name Burt.

Everyone looks blankly at Trowa. Trowa shrugs.

Trowa: I haven't said anything for a while.

Wufei: What do we do?

Duo: Find Quatre before he gets boardified! That's what!

Heero: Boardified? Is that even a word?

Duo: Who cares?! That's not important!

Trowa: Where did they take him?

Me: Huh, to the scrap yard in back of the studios I think.

Trowa: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

Heero: Wait a second guys. Think. Do we really want to save Quatre? Take your time answering.

Duo: Heero! He's our friend!

Heero: Correction, he's your friend.

Wufei: Then why were you worried a couple seconds ago?

Heero: I didn't want to feel left out.

Duo: Admit it Heero,you like him, big deal, now let's go!

Me: Hold on! Let me get the camera crew!

Wufei: Why?

Me: Are you kidding? This will make a great Drama and Action scene!

Trowa: (Shrugging) Whatever.

Duo: To the scrap yard!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~scrap yard minutes later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Duo: QUATRE? QUATRE? CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

Trowa: He's unconscious. I don't think he can.

Heero: Well if I were in his predictiment, I would be thankful.

Wufei: Why's that?

Heero: Becuase if he does indeed become, well, boardified as Duo put it, he doesn't have to be or work on this stupid movie.

Wufei: I see.

Heero: Lucky bastard.

Me: Are you getting this, Ramndom Camera Guy #2246?

C.G.: Yeah boss.

Me: Great! I love where this is going.

Duo: Are you crazy?! Our friend could be in one of those boxes that are being re-figured as we speak!

Me: So what's your point?

Heero: She does have a point there, Duo.

Duo: QUATRE COULD DIE!!!!

Heero: And this affects me how?

Me: I'm still not getting you.

Duo: I can't believe you! After all that Quatre's done for you, you go and forget about him.

Me: Well Duo, you also don't seem to care.

Duo: What do you mean?

Me: For someone to go and critcize others you sure don't practice what you preach.

Duo: Like what?

Me: Well for example, what you're saying is that we should go look for Quatre, right?

Duo: Yeah so?

Me: So, why aren't you looking for Quatre? You're such good friends and all, why aren't you checking the boxes to make sure he ain't in them?

Trowa: She's got you there Duo.

Duo: I'm trying to make you guys look for him too!!

Me: And at the same time ruining any chance of finding him. I'm so ashamed of you Duo. You make me sick just standing there. Go away. Go on, shoo!

Duo hung his head in shame and left. The guys stood there afraid to say anything.

Me: Well I'm thirsty! How about you guys?

Trowa: Uh, yeah, sure.

Heero: Me too.

Wufei: Whatever.

Me: I'm going to get me some drinks.

Trowa: I'd like some rootbeer please.

Heero: Sprite for me.

Wufei: Green tea.

Me: Who said I was going to get you guys a drink?

They didn't say anything

Me: That's right. Only I am going to get a drink for ME!

Heero: Then I'm going to get myself a drink!

Me: Oooooooh, sorry. No can do Heero.

Heero: Why not?

Me: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO STAY AND LOOK FOR QUATRE, THAT'S WHY!! NOW ALL OF YOU START LOOKING SO C.G. HERE CAN GET SOME GOOD FOOTAGE!!!!

Me walks off. 

Wufei: Damn it! I hate her!

Trowa: What crawled up her ass and died?

Heero: Probably all her humanity.

Wufei: Speaking from experience, Heero?

Heero shot Wufei a dirty look.

Trowa: Should we start looking for Quatre?

Wufei: Nah. Let's let Duo do that.

Trowa: (shrugging) Whatever.

~~MEANWHILE AT THE STUDIO'S OUTSIDE RELENA'S TRAILER....~~~~

Quatre: OOOOOOh giVE Me a HoMe WHere tHE CowGIRLs aRE gROWn ANd THE rICH drink NOthing But BEeR! Blah blah blah ha!ha!

Relena: Quatre? Is that you?

Quatre: No, it's me Quatre.

Relena rolls her eyes.

Relena: Quatre, are you ok?

Quatre: Yes, well actually no. Re-re- Wenier-LA, I've been hiding something and would like to finally come clean!

Relena: (a little scared) Ok what is it Quatre?

Quatre jumps up, kisses Relena and smiles.

Quatre: I LOVE ....... ............................................ ....................................... ....... hold on give me a second................................. Hilde? No that's not it .......................................... I think it's- no that's not right ........................................... Now I remember- oh wait I forgot again ....................... .......................... .................................. OH YEAH! You!

Relena: (taken aback) Wh-wh-what?

Quatre: Come on baby! Lets go have some fu-un!

Relena pulls Quatre in her trailer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BACK AT THE SCRAPYARD.....~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero grabbed his head.

Heero: Relena sense...... TINGLING!............CaN'T CONtrOl RaGE!...... ........MuSt SEe ReLENA BeFORe It'S TOo LAte!

Heero ran off. Wufei scratched his head.

Wufei: Ok. What just happened Trowa?

Trowa: Nothing important. I'm going back to the studio.

Wufei: Why?

Trowa: Quatre isn't here, that's why.

Wufei: What makes you say that?

Trowa: Because if he was here,we could be able to smell him.

Wufei: I'm not even going to ask.

Trowa: Good 'cause I'm not going to answer.

Wufei: Should we tell Duo?

Trowa: Nah. Just leave him here. 

Wuei: Whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Relena's trailer......~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero opened the door to Relena's trailer and gasped when he saw

Relena and Quatre in bed together. 

Relena looked up worried.

Relena: Heero! What happened?! One minute I'm drinking with Quatre the next I'm-EWWWWWW! GROSSS!!!! I SLEPT WITH QUATRE!!! He must have slipped me a pill because I don't remember!!!!

Quatre: I do and WOW! That was great! She had plenty to give! Know what I mean Heero?

Heero jumped on Quatre and began to strangle him.

Heero: Die you girlfriend stealer!!!!!!!

Quatre: *choking*

Relena: (smiling) Oh, you two don't have to fight for little ol' me.

Me walks in

Me: Whose fighting over me? (notices Heero and Quatre fighting) Damn it! A great action scene and no Camera Guy to catch it! Where's Tony? He's fired!

Quatre: Now-*cough*-isn't the-*GASP*-time, Miss.- *choke*-director!

Me: Heero get off of Quatre. It doesn't look right from this angle, if you know what I mean.

Heero jumped off of Quatre but got a baseball bat that some how

magicially appeared out of nowhere.

Heero: (laughing crazy) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA! DIE!

Me hits Heero with her gun and Heero falls.

Me: Well that was fun. Come on guys, let's do a quick scene while he's unconscious. It'll be scene six where Heero's, well, unconsious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TROWA'S TRAILER..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trowa: Listen Jonny, I need to get out of here while I'm still in one piece!

Agent: And I heard you the first time Pete. Listen Peter, if you-

Trowa: I told you my name is Trowa right now.

Agent: Uh, yeah, whatever kid but listen, you got to take this gig for now. You never know, it might lead to somethng big!

Trowa: But I don't want to do it! I fear for my life! That guy, Heero just nearly killed a guy for sleeping with his slutty girlfriend!

Agent: Whoa! Talk about Melrose House, huh?

Trowa: That's Place, Jonny. Melrose Place.

Agent: Whatever.

Trowa: If your really that good of an agent you'd get me out of here Jonny!

Agent: Trowa baby, I know how you're feeling, but let me tell ya, there's nothing for you to do, so just bear with me here for a sec and I'll try to work things out for you.

Trowa: What do I have to do?

Agent: For now, nothing. Just deal with whatever for a while and in a day or two give Rosy a call. She'll call my people and I'll call the other people and we'll work something out for you and ba-da bing, ba-da boom, you're all set, ok baby?

Trowa: Fine, Jonny but I don't want no screw up's or screw overs!

Agent: You have my word. I got to go Trowa. I got a great deal of others whom I need to lie- I mean tend to. Talk to you later.

Trowa: Bye Jonny.(Trowa hung up) Damn bastard. He's fired.

Wufei runs in to Trowa's trailer

Wufei: Trowa there is a big problem out here, and boy do I mean BIG!

Trowa: Really? What kind of problem?

Wufei: Remember when Me said not to touch the big red button that said DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON?!

Trowa: Yes, but who would ever make a button that says not to push it?

Wufei: I have no idea but that's not the point of my crazy hysterics!

Trowa: I'm so sorry. Please continue.

Wufei: Alright. Well, GUESS WHO PUSHED IT?!!!

Trowa: Hmmm...Well from my resources and as long as I spent time with you all, I'll say from most of my experience that the one most likely to push a button when in fact there's a label that says NOT to push the button would most than likely be Duo Maxwell.

Wufei blinks. Trowa shrugs.

Trowa:You said to guess and he's an idiot. Anyone could see that.

Wufei: Yeah, Duo pushed that button.....yep he did it heh heh.

Trowa raises a brow.

Wufei: *COUGH* Well GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?!!!!!

Trowa: Huh, a giant unknown havoc escaped causing chaos and mayhem to break all over the world and now it's up to the Gundam pilots to stop whatever it is he let loose but it's going to be one hell of a challenge because we do not have, I repeat, do NOT have, our Gundams. so basically in all retrospec, we're all screwed?

Wufei blinked. Trowa shrugged.

Wufei: Damn! How'd you know?

Trowa: Lucky guess?

Wufei: While you're at it, what is tomorrow's lotto numbers?

Trowa: HA! I really don't know but I actually heard about it on the News. See?

Trowa pushed a button on the remote he pulled out of his pocket. A t.v. turned on showing cities destroyed, fires everywhere and people screaming their heads off.

Trowa: Hey look! My cousin!

Wufei: Which one?

Trowa: The guy screaming like his life depended on it really, really, really loud.

Wufei: They're all screaming like their life depended on it really, really, really loud!

Trowa: The one wearing the scarf and pink shirt.

Wufei: Ohhhhh! That one! Yeah I see him but Trowa, why is he-

Trowa: He's the black sheep of the circus family. He likes to dress up ike a girl every Saturday night and changes his name to Victoria Van Bella. Sometimes even Bonnie.

Wufei: But it's Thrusday in the afternoon.

Trowa: I see.

Wufei: Anyways, the Me wants all of us to go in the studio right away and she's very pissed off. I'm afraid of what she'll do but I'm even MORE afraid of what she'll do if we DON'T meet in the studio right now.

Trowa: Wouldn't it be difficult to meet in the studio with all the fireballs falling from the sky?

Wufei: You're damn right it is! You know how hard it was to come to your trailer with all that burning shit falling?! I was practicially dodging for my life!

Trowa: Why didn't you just pick up a phone and call?

Wufei: One, my trailer was put in flames with my phone inside it, Two, my cell phone company and satellite was destroyed, three, I didn't have change for the pay-phone and finally Four, the power lines are out so I had to come and get you.

Trowa: Oh ok. Thanks Wufei.

Wufei: Now let's get out of here before rumors start to fly. 

Trowa: What?

Wufei: You know, Ru-mors.

Trowa: Oh, I got you. Those rumors.

They nodded and left to the studio.

~~~~~~~~~~IN THE STUDIO.......~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Alright, WHO DID IT?!

The 5 Gundam pilots stood in a line and were avoiding the directors gaze.

Me: Well? Who WAS IT?!

No one said anything.

Me: Ok I guess no one did it, right? I'm just imangineing things. I mean, the APOCALYPSE ISN'T REALLY HAPPENING OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW, IS IT?!

Heero and Duo flinched. Trowa and Wufei coughed. Quatre fell down.

Me: Look, I'm not going to get angry. I just want to know who let all Hell loose after I told you not to!

Duo raised his hand.

Me: Ah! So you're the one who did it, aren't you Duo?

Duo: Actually, I just wanted to point out that you didn't tell us that a great fear known to man was in that big container. Also, you didn't tell us not to let Hell loose, all you said was not to push the button that said not to push this button. I mean, who knew that a little button held in it complete world domination and destruction, right? 

Me blinked at Duo while the others shook their heads.

Me: Someone please hold me back.

Quatre: Why?

Me: Because I'm about to KICK DUO'S ASS!!!!

Me jumps on Duo while the others try to pry Duo loose from her furious grip.

Me: I'm going to kill you!

Heero: Sorry director. That's my job.

Finally, after much cussing and shrugglling, the G-Pilots manage to save Duo.

Duo: Crazy little bitch!

Me: Stupid jackass!

Duo: Well, for you information, I'm not the one who pushed the damn button!

Me: Really?

Duo: Well, duh!

Me: Do you sweaar?

Duo: All the time.

Me: No! I mean do you swear that you didn't push the button?

Duo: Oh. Yes I swear.

Me: Then who pushed the button?

Wufei: I thought you were mad at Duo for making you look like an idiot.

Everyone stares at Wufei.

Wufei: (nervous) Well I did!

Me: Wufei, did you push the button?

Wufei: Who me? Of course not! Why would I push a button that says not to push it?

Heero: I don't know. Why would you?

Wufei looks around and finally cries.

Wufei: Alright! I did it! I pushed the stupid button letting all Hell loose! I'm so sorry and I'm so ashamed!

Me: Why'd you do it Wufei?

Wufei: (pointing to Quatre) Because HE made me do it! He said he'd give me two million bucks if I pushed it!

Quatre: (laughing) Who knew he'd actually do it?! I was just playing with the dumbass! HA HA!

Me begins to think while the others are silent.

Me: Ok, I have an idea.

Wufei: Who cares? It's not like it's going to save the world or anything!

Me: Actually, it just might do that. Who wants to be a hero?

Duo: Heero? I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to be Heero.

Trowa snickers as Heero elbows Duo.

Duo: OW! It was just a joke!

Heero: Just like your life.

Duo: That was uncalled for!

Heero: You being born was uncalled for! I mean, who would want to give birth to such an annoying pest? Besides your mother that is.

Duo: I didn't even know my mother so you can insult her all you want. Who knows? You might be right for once.

Heero: Maybe you don't know her because she's a slut and she didn't want a child to look after and abandoned you!

Duo: Well, you just gone and done it. My mother wasn't a slut!

Heero: How do YOU know that?

Duo: Because she just wasn't, that's why!

Heero: Well, you got me there.

Duo: Well, at least I had a mother! You were probably a stupid test tube baby!

Quatre: Hey!

Duo: No offense to you and your family Quatre.

Heero: I was not a test tube baby and I did have a mother F.Y.I.!

Duo: How do I know that? I'm sure as hell not going to take your word for it! 

Heero: At least I knew my mother!

Duo: Sure, right before you killed her!

Heero: Are you accussing me of killing my own FAMILY?!

Duo: WHAT WAS THE TIPOFF YOU CRAZY KILLER!

Heero: THAT'S IT YOU SON OF A BITCH!!

Heero jumped on Duo and they began to fight.

Me: Hey, stop it you guys!

Heero: I hated you from the first day I saw your ugly face!

Duo: Same here, you dumb crap head!

Me: Trowa! Wufei! Get them off of each other NOW!!

Trowa: No. Let them settle this.

Wufei: Five bucks Duo gives up first.

Trowa: Make it ten.

Wufei: Deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~ SOMETIME LATER....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duo and Heero were on the ground breathing for air.

Duo: I'm sorry Heero. I love you man!

Heero: I'm sory too, Duo! Please forgive me pal!

Duo: Only if you forgive me buddy.

Heero: Come here, you big dope!

Heero and Duo hug.

Me: Are you guys done having your little hissy fit?

Heero: (in a mocking voice) Are you guys done having your hissy fit? What do you know?

Me: (rolling her eyes) I know not to have a fight when the world is on the verge of being destroyed.

Wufei: That reminds me. Give me my ten bucks Trowa.

Trowa glares at Wufei. Wufei gulps.

Wufei: Please?

Trowa gives Wufei ten bucks.

Trowa: Chump.

Me: Can we save the world now?

Heero: How?

Me: You sure you won't fight this time?

Heero: (annoyed) Yes.

Me: Yes what?

Heero: (rolling his eyes) Yes ma'am.

Me: Well, it might be a long shot but I think if we pushed that button right there that says, PUSH THIS BUTTON IF SOME IDIOT PUSHES THE BUTTON THAT SAYS NOT TO PUSH THIS BUTTON, IN CASE OF EMERGENCY.

The G-Pilots blink.

Trowa: You've got to be kidding me.

Wufei: What kind of bull shit is that?!

Quatre: Although, it does make sense.

Heero: I'm in a nightmare. That's got to be the problem. I'm in a nightmare. That's all there is to it.

Duo: Even I couldn't think up something like that!

Me: Well are you going to push it or not?!

The guys look at each other than at Me. Then they all scramble to push the button first.

Heero: I'm first you dorks!

Duo: Uh huh, no way! You already got to save the world Heero! 

Wufei: Twice! Now it's my turn to save it!

Quatre: After you tried to destroy it? Too late Wufei, you already got to do one!

Trowa: What are you talking about Quatre?! You tried to destroy the Colonies!

Quatre: I was insane at the time!

Heero: But you almost killed Trowa too!

Quatre: What's your point?

Duo: The point is I'm going to push the button!

Wufei: No! I am!

Trowa: No, me!

Quatre: Sorry, but it's going to be me!

Heero: I'm the one who has experience so I should be the one to save the world, again!

Duo: Glory hog!

Heero: Pain in the ass!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~1 day later.............~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NewsReporter: So how long have all of you been friends?

Heero: I'd say since we started the Gundam Wing series about five or six years ago.

N.R.: And are any of you involved with someone?

Quatre: I'm actually involved with Relena Darlian.

N.R.: Really?

Heero: Actually, I'm dating Relena Darlian. Quatre is just plying around, aren't you Quatre?

Heero gives Quatre a death glare.

Quatre: Rrrrrrr-ight

Duo: I'm with my girlfriend Hilde. Hi babe! (Duo waved at the camera)

Wufei: I thought you liked Sally?

Duo: (shrug) Got to take what is offered.

Wufei: I actually just broke up with a girl recently so I'm single. You might of heard of her. Sally Po. Yeah, she's a ho. That's Sally Po. S-A-L-L-

N.R.: What about you Trowa? Is there a special someone in your life?

Trowa: Yes. Sylvia Noventa-

Duo: What? But I thought she was in that trailer with Dorothy and Lady Une?

Trowa: (shrugs) I like to experiment. Besides you didn't let me finish. I'm involved with all of them.

Everyones jaws' drop. Trowa smiles and shrugs.

Trowa: What can I say? I'm a pimp.

N.R.: Huh, so moving along, which one of you really pushed the button?

Heero: I did. It was actually really hard since I couldn't see-

Quatre: -That's because you were behind me when I pushed the button! You see, I was running towards the button and with my last ounce of shrength I managed to- 

Wufei: -Make a step for me so I could reach and push the button. It was really hard and I tried really hard to push it-

Duo: -But he couldn't reach and that's when I stepped in to take his place. Everything was so cloudy that I could barely see the button but I did-

Trowa: -But not before he saw the fire ball! He dodge and fell. It was then up to me to save the world and I did when-

All G-Pilots: I pushed the button! 

N.R.: So all of you pushed it at the same time?Wow! Talk about team work. I'm glad you guys worked together to save the world. You would think in times like that you'd all turn against one another and try to steal all the glory for one's self.

Heero: Uh, yeah, right.

Duo: Only conceited jerks would do that.

Quatre: Conceited jerks with a long brown braid.

Wufei: Right. Heh, heh.

Trowa: Whatever.

N.R.: Well thank you on behalf of the surviving Earthlings and you can watch this recording tonight on the Channel 4 News at eleven. That is, if you still have a television. Bye guys! 

N.R. & Camera crew leave. Director comes in.

Me: Good news guys.

Duo: You're leaving to Canada?

Me: NO.

Duo: Damn.

Me: Actually you guys get to take a vaccation. We're going to rebuid the Gundams and make a script. We're starting all over! 

Heero: What? why?

Quatre: Yeah. I thought we had to put our version out first before that other kid?

Me: Ha! Yeah, you know, about that, well it turns out, you guys are going to love this, when Wufei let Hell loose two of her actors died and destroyed most of her footage. Isn't that great?!

Trowa: In a very sad but cool kind of way.

Quatre: Who died?

Me: Well I don't know if he died or got hurt but I think it was a James Van Der Beek and Ben Affleck. I think that was their names. I don't even know if I said it right.

Duo: Who'd they play?

Me: James played Quatre and Ben played Duo I think.

Wufei: And you guys were mad at me fo pushing the button, now who's the bitch, huh?

Trowa: I just think it's weird the the director knew about the two buttons and what would happen if we pushed them.

Me: Are you accussing me of some how knowing that one of you would push the button leading to the demise of another director and her work and somehow stopping the destruction by making a button that would stop the madness and somehow make it look like a freak accident, hence, covering up my tracks?

Heero blinked, Wufei had to think about it, Duo scratched his head, Quatre watched a puppy walk by and Trowa nodded.

Trowa: Yep. That's pretty much it in minor detail.

Wufei: It would make sense.

Heero: She got rid of the compettion without anyone suspecting her. I knew I liked her from the start!

Quatre: Look how cute that puppy is!

Duo: Um, wouldn't it be considerd a Conspice-er-we theory?

Trowa: (looking at "Me" and holding his chin) A conspiracy theory, yes it is.

Me: Ha! You have no proof of that! Besides, it's all one big coincidence!

Duo: But you could of killed or hurt some-

Me: One big COINCIDENCE.

Trowa: (shrugging) Eh, whatever. If you'll excuse me, I'll take most of my money and attend to my hos- um, ladies. Good day gentlemen.

Trowa walked off.

Wufei: I need to make a plot to kill Trieze. See ya when we start filming.

Wufei left

Duo: I'm horny and should be going to Hilde's right now after I have a few drinks. Bye bye.

Duo left.

Quatre:.........

Me: Aren't you going anywhere in particular?

Quatre: (looks down) I have no where to go.

Me: I see. Don't you have a mansion or something to play in?

Quatre: Oh yeah! I do, don't I? Bye crazy director lady. Have fun and see you in a month or later!

Quatre runs um, I mean skips off to his limo that appeared out of no where.

Me: Well, that's it for now Gundam Wing fans. Maybe I actually WILL make a Gundam Movie, it depends on how many reviews I get. And I'd like to take this moment to say, if this fic made any angry comments on certain topics such as religion (the mormom thing), orphans (Heero & Duo fighting), homosexuality (Sylvia, Dorothy & Lady Une in the trailer), etc. I apologize.

Duo: Yeah, we're sorry that the author isn't considerate of other's feelings! Like mine for example!

Wufei: I'm just sorry that I volunteered to be in this fic.

Trow: She was trying too hard to be funny that it was actually- oh wait! I guess it was entertaining.

Heero: I'd like to take this moment to say that Relena is a slut and I am not dating her.

Relena: An I'd like to say that I just joined Trowa's pimp gallery!

Hilde: And I'm really going out with Quatre.

Sally: Wufei and I ARE going out. Right baby?

Wufei: HA! Told you Duo!

Duo: Big deal.

Lady Une: Yeah, because I'm dating Duo Maxwell.

Trieze: And I'm dating Lady Une who's cheating on Duo Maxwell.

Sylvia: I'm Trowa's number one lady and he loves me in bed.

Trowa: You got that right.

Sylvia: I'm also an agent for Heero Yuy and other famous stars like Zechs Marquise and Fred Flintstone during the day.

Fred: Yabba-Dabba Doo! She's a fine ass too!

Zechs: I have no idea why I'm here or how I got here so I could care less what's going on.

Noin: I'm not even mentioned in the story but I'm sleeping with Zechs Marquise a.k.a. Millardo Peacecraft a.k.a. Wind. YEAH! ITALY ROCKS!

Me: Is everyone done making an ASS of themselves?

ALL: YES!!

Me: Great. And that's the end of the fic. And for the record, Heero and I ARE sleeping together and boy is he great in bed!

Heero: You ain't bad yourself baby. I'm getting horny just looking at ya!

Me: Why don't we go somewhere private babe?

Heero: You read my mind sweet thing.

Heero and Me leave.

All: (Waving) Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, YA HEAR?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

................*blink* *blink*................*Cough*...... What the hell was that?

I swear, Duo just barges in my room and takes my computer without asking. I'm so sorry if any of you are forever traumatized for the rest of your life. GET THERAPY IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS! Everything in this fic is not true! I swear!

Heero comes in with red robe on.

Heero: You want the Cozy Lazy Lavender oil or the Sexy Slippery Honey oil babe? 

Me: Which ever one turns me on more.

Heero: Sexy Slippery Honey oil it is.

Me: See you in the bedroom darling.

Heero: I'll be waiting for you dear.

Like I said it's all fake with some exceptions. Gosh! Would you look at the time! I got to go and um, go on my "play date" and "Play". Well, until next time Gundam Fans! Bye!


End file.
